Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Dating and Money - To Loan or Not to Loan?

Money. It's the underside line; it do the human race travel round; maybe it's level the root of all evil. Married or co-habitating couples set money at the top of their fighting list. But even if you're not at the point in your human relationship where you're cook to get married or move in, money battalions a large punch.

If you've watched Judge Judy or the People's Court even a few times, you've probably seen ex-lovers suing each other over past loans. You'll detect that typically the complainant is the lone 1 using the word "loan": the suspect curses up and down, "It was a gift."

Maybe you snickered at the litigators from the safety of your life room, pitying them not only because Judge Judy is murder them before 10 million people for giving money to person they barely knew and without a scintilla of documentation, but because you cognize your fellow would never drag you to tribunal or that your girlfriend would always pay you back if you helped her brand a auto payment once in a while. And you wouldn't necessitate to do her mark for it.

Really?

The fact is, it's impossible to see the hereafter anyway, no substance how clear-headed we are at the moment. And when you're trying to see a hereafter that includes person else, it's ultra-impossible since you only have got control over your ain actions, never person else's. Foster confounding this scenario is that when you're first in love, the intoxicating euphoria transcends the everyday until you can't conceive of that your clip with this particular person will experience anything but splendid. Money? Who cares about something arsenic blasé as money at a clip like that? If she necessitates it, why not? Your billfold open ups almost on its own.

Sure, there are lovers out there who loan each other hard cash and refund it without whining and shirking and denying. You might be one of those lucky few. However, money perplexes things, and the form of unpaid loans after a human relationship caputs south is indisputable. And since the hereafter stays stubbornly unpredictable, it do sense to protect yourself.

Some regulations to remember:

1) Try to avoid loaning money.

That's right, seek to avoid it. Try to avoid muddying your human relationship with ever-messy money. Period. However, if you can afford to give and if you're inclined to give and you'd be fiscally sound if you never saw that sum of money returned, then give it and bury it.

2) Never, ever, ever co-sign somes loan or manus over your recognition card.

And don't unfastened a cellphone contract in your name for your boyfriend's/girlfriend's unsupervised use. (We were all mulct with apparent old landlines for a long, long time. S/he volition be mulct until that debatable recognition acquires fixed.) These no-nos are worse than loaning money since they're open-ended (which intends there's greater fiscal liability for you than one fixed amount) and they put your recognition at serious risk.

3) Get some distance before you decide.

If you experience yourself leaning toward loaning money, take some clip and space to decide. Maybe the ground your boyfriend necessitates the hard cash looks like a worthy cause. But beware: if he necessitates a batch of greenish for his Thursday nighttimes at the casino, he probably won't present it to you that way. "Hey, babe. Remember my Aunt Matilda, the 1 from Jersey Iodine told you about? Well, she sure makes demand that new hip. Pronto."

Don't reply right away. Certainly don't reply in the heat energy of the minute (i.e., when you two are in bed or when your fellow first utters, "I love you."). This may sound like a duh statement, but that's because you're not in bed with your girlfriend or hearing your fellow first say the L-word. Trust me, manner too many people have got their typically cool-headed intelligent blurred when things acquire hot and steamy.

4) Put it in writing.

If your lover's petition have stood the diagnostic test of clip and distance in #3, and only if you experience the absolute demand to assist out in what looks to be an extenuating, isolated circumstance, then memorialize everything on paper. It may sound cold or harsh, but protecting your hard-earned money and your good recognition evaluation isn't harsh, it's smart. Put the loan in writing, clearly stating the amount, any specific footing of refund and the day of the month when it should be repaid. Write "LOAN" in the memorandum field of the check. And don't manus over the bank bank check unless s/he marks the promissory note.

5) Yes, write a check.

Please don't manus over hard cash that he might accept with a fulgurant smiling and a sultry give thanks you today and only deny ever receiving a twelvemonth down the road. Leave a paper trail so that at least if you make have got got to travel to little claims tribunal to seek to acquire your money back, you'll win the case.

6) Keep the amount modest.

You shouldn't have to fight to pay your rent because you forked over too much money to the individual you're dating. Think of your ain disbursals first. And besides, if s/he pleads for a great trade of money, your bosom buddy may have got a serious job that your payroll check can't address. The last thing you should be doing is unwittingly feeding a destructive wont or a serious inability to manage money.

So the adjacent clip you hear, "Sweetheart, I'll pay you back. You cognize I'm good for it," stop, take a deep breath, and think, "What would Judge Judy do?"

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